A simmering, sexually charged film that has got the whole of Lincoln hot under the collar!


Introducing RACHEL PROTON and PONY with hot-blooded performances that are definitely not suitable for under-18s!


Directed by STEVE AURA



DEREK SAYS...


‘An erotic film not just for the lads but for the lasses too. It had a great reception when it was shown at The Swan last week, from both sexes. Ron asked for it to be played seven times in a row! I think women respond to the powerful female characters in the film. They are sexy and also know their own minds. Both are characters that I can imagine would be able to hold down a job.’

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PRAECOX

Transport yourself to the mythic world of PRAECOX in our new sci-fi film!


An underworld adventure that takes debonair leading man QUIET THOMPSON on a fantastical adventure that will marvel and amuse in equal measures.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Stars Quiet Thompson and Chris Cuecamp.

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A historical drama that will transport you back to a long forgotten past!


The tale of a devastating day of emotion, stunningly portrayed by Lincoln bad boy CHAKA GRIMSHAW.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Also starring Chris Cuecamp, Quiet Thompson, Rachel Proton.


DEREK SAYS...


‘Chaka is a real character, he is a bad boy in every sense of the word. He’s done some truly terrible things in real life but he has such a sweet and vulnerable side to him I just want to give him a hug, no matter what he’s done. I first met him when he held a knife to my throat in Morrisons car park. But instead of calling the police, I gave him a part in a film.’

CHINESE HEAT

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Allow the terror of THE BREEZE to seep into your subconscious.


Stunning RACHEL PROTON discovers that horror can lurk in almost every place, but what is the most terrifying place of all...


Directed by STEVE AURA


DEREK SAYS...


‘This film really gives me the willies. I couldn’t sleep for a week after seeing it and I definitely won’t watch it again. I ran into Rachel Proton in St Mark’s shopping centre the other day and when I saw her I just did a runner! I’ve not legged it through town like that since I was about 37. I haven’t heard the end of it down The Swan of course. Embarrassing, but just shows what a brilliant performance she gave. Well done Rachel.’

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THE BALLAD OF MARTIN NELSON

THE BREEZE

THE LINCOLN TIGER

“There is no solitude greater than the samurai’s, unless perhaps it be that of a tiger in Lincoln.”


Introducing Lincoln new boy TUMAK, a man on a mission in this no-nonsense thriller...


Directed by STEVE AURA

Also starring Quiet Thompson, Rachel Proton, Chris Cuecamp.


DEREK SAYS...


‘I first met Tumak in Carpets 4 Less when I was in there with the wife. Tumak served us and was doing such a good job of looking happy about carpets I thought I’ll bet this lad is a f***ing brilliant actor. I wasn’t wrong. He is brooding and menacing, I can’t wait to see him do some martial arts in the future as he said he used to be a black belt before he hurt his back when a carpet fell on him.’

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ALIVE

Introducing JESSIE DRE AHMOS in this tale of self-discovery.


Directed by STEVE AURA


DEREK SAYS...


‘Jessie Dre Ahmos is the latest actress to sign up to a 10 year Lincoln Studios deal (it’s as much for them as for us) and what an actress she is! Glamorous, sophisticated, she OWNS the screen. I knew her dad David quite well back in the 90s. In fact he completely screwed me over with a load of unfinished building work at the salon and that was one of the things that lead to my breakdown. But, forgive and forget I say and it just shows how far I have come under the care of Dr Raj that I am able to give his daughter a staring role in a film. It’s great having Jessie around, she is nothing like her dad. She answers her phone, she turns up, she doesn’t tell blatant lies, she doesn’t fob me off with shoddy materials, she doesn’t get a 15 year old lad with no experience to do the plastering while she goes off on holiday and she does a bloody good job of everything she does, as you can see in this fantastic film.’

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THE DITCH 1

A feel-good film about the pitfalls of being a ‘man-about-town’


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Steve Aura and Chris Cuecamp


DEREK SAYS...


‘ I love this film. It’s inspired in no small part by yours truly I think! I remember being in The Swan late one evening with Steve Aura and telling him about my younger days as a ‘man about town’ in Lincoln in the 1970s. I looked a lot like Dennis Waterman at the time (the young Dennis Waterman, NOT as he looks now as the wife has unkindly said). I remember I used to ride a small white Honda motorbike up and down the high street all day until my dad threw me out of the house and I had to sell it for the money. Great memories of a golden era! Enjoy the film.’

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The first film in the Ditch Trilogy. A buddy movie set in the English countryside.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Chaka Grimshaw and Steve Aura


DEREK SAYS...


‘Chaka has had a well documented fall from grace in recent weeks but I don’t think it’s my place to comment on that sad event. I’d rather just enjoy another fantastic performance from an actor at the height of his powers! All I will say is that the person who sold him the things he used is as guilty as him. I have known Colin Elliot since school days and he has always been a money-grabbing b***tard. Colin knew what Chaka was capable of, but when he saw the £20 note poor Chaka was waving at him he decided to throw the safety of the general public to the wind. Colin was like that in maths when he would wind me up by nudging me in the back with his foot continually until I flipped out and accidentally hit Julie Garden on the ear with my elbow and got suspended (sorry Julie!). Well Colin, who comes out of this the best? You with your twenty pounds? Or Chaka with this fantastic film?’

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EVERYBODY’S FRIEND, NOBODY’S FOOL

THE DITCH 2

Part 2 of the Ditch Trilogy.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Chaka Grimshaw and Steve Aura


DEREK SAYS...


‘We filmed the Ditch Trilogy at Bloxholm Lane, Bracebridge Heath on a lovely day last summer. Our presence caused quite a stir and people came down to watch, creating a carnival atmosphere. Ron even turned up with a cask of real ale! At one point it got so boisterous and noisy that the sound man had enough and went and sat in the van. When Ron’s wisecracking and yelling of ‘cut!’ etc got too much for everyone I whisked him off to the Swan, then me and him ended up drinking cans back at the salon til about 2. What a great day, made even better by the delivery of my brand new Ergoline Avant Garde sunbed (with built-in sound system!)’

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THE DITCH 3

The final film in the Ditch Trilogy.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Chaka Grimshaw and Steve Aura


DEREK SAYS...


‘Great work everyone involved in this trilogy. What a way to end 2011. But the best news by far is that Chaka will be at home this xmas, as yours truly has managed to raise his bail money! So it’ll be me, the wife, Chaka and my lad Robert (if he turns up, honestly that kid is nothing but a bloody headache these days especially now he’s got his driving license, he’s costing me a bloody fortune in insurance!) all sat round the table raising a glass to Lincoln and our domination of the movie industry in 2012.’

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BIG AND BLONDE AND SEVEN MONTHS GONE

A white-knuckle revenge movie.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Astrid 450, Sarah No, Rachel Proton, Luke ‘Yellow Mellow’ Dawn and Steve Aura.


DEREK SAYS...


“The idea for this revenge movie came from watching these girls when they were younger hanging around the bus station smoking and drinking and causing trouble. There was a bit of bother with them and my lad Robert once when he strayed into their path and had his rucksack kicked. He went running home to his mum, blubbing like a baby and wouldn’t go in to town for months in case he saw them. (Sorry Robert, but until you pull your weight around the house and stop giving your mum gyp, there might be a few more of these little stories...). I like these girls a lot, they’re trouble. And exactly the type of characters you’d want on your side when gunning for revenge against society’s injustices. The girls are all older now and whilst not exactly a credit to Lincoln, they are decent. And welcome also to Luke ‘Yellow Mellow’ Dawn who is my dentist’s son. Such a polite lad, he leads something of a double life. By day he works as a supply teacher, by night he plays saxophone in a jazz band.’

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TOWPATH

A thrills n spills action movie.


Directed by STEVE AURA

Starring Darren Jenkins, The Obelisk, Kaz, Jen, Chris Cuecamp, Emy & Obelisk jr.


DEREK SAYS...


‘I’m chuffed to bits that we’ve finally made a Lincoln studios action film! It stars two home grown action heroes familiar to anyone who goes out in Lincoln on a Friday or Saturday night. We all know The Obelisk who does the door at Pulse nightclub. He’s a great Lincoln character, a bloody man mountain but with a gentle heart. I’ve seen him chuck a man head-first down a stairwell one moment, then be blubbing his eyes out over a story some girl’s told him about a missing cat the next. He gives the perfect muscle man performance in ‘Towpath’, he’s so big we had to tilt the camera up!!!!... Then there’s Darren Jenkins who most people think is a nasty piece of work, always bottling people and going to prison. Ron gave me a load of gyp for putting Darren in the film, but I say give the lad a chance. Maybe if someone gave him a bit of encouragement once in a while he’d stop being such a c**t and do something worthwhile. And I was right. Darren gives an electric performance that’s both aggressive yet surprisingly sensitive - Darren will probably smash my face in for saying that!… With excellent supporting roles from Kaz and Jen who work for me at the salon – I said to them both “I’m not stupid, the till’s down 150 quid. I don’t care which one of you’s had the money but if you do the film then no questions asked”. I’d have paid them double that for the performances they both gave!... Plus finally of course a scintillating cameo from Chris Cuecamp, famously the only trained actor in my stable (Performing Arts BTEC, Lincoln College). Bloody hell, we had to spend ages waiting for him to decide his character’s ‘back story’ whatever that means (Darren said “I’ll give his back a story, it’s got a bloody knife in it!”) but it was worth it. Chris is absolutely mind-blowing in one of the most thrilling endings in cinema history. So sit back and enjoy the action!’

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